Rewards for the Probably Never Kickstarter

Kickstarter is the thing everyone is talking about in 2012, so we here at Probably Never thought we should get in on the action. Thus we are proud to announce the rewards you can get for backing the Probably Never kickstarter!

Pledge $1 or more
You will permit me to send you an unlimited number of inane update emails.

Pledge $5 or more
You will be allowed to fall in love with me.

Pledge $20 or more
I will bake and eat cookies in your memory.

Pledge $47 or more
In the event we meet in person and you introduce yourself to me, I will make an attempt to remember your name. No promises.

Pledge $84 or more
You will be given access to a special Backers-only message board that I will never, ever look at (even under risk of death).

Pledge $100 or more
All of the above rewards.

Pledge $200 or more
Limited (6 of 6 left)
All of the above rewards.

Pledge $300 or more
Limited (5 of 5 left)
You can send me your cell phone number and I will consider sexting you.

Pledge $500 or more
You can send me the cell phone number of your nemesis and I will sext them.

Pledge $1000 or more
You can have dinner with me where we are only allowed to say five words each, the rest of the meal comprised of awkward, intense staring.

Pledge $2500 or more
I will lay hands on you to cure all your wounds. (FDA Notice: The laying of hands by Alice, like many "natural" healing methods, has not been clinically proven to cure all wounds.)

Pledge $500,000 or more
I will topple the regime of your choice. MUST BE OUTSIDE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Pledge $750,000 or more
I will develop an addiction to cocaine. Probably.

Pledge $1,700,000 or more
Everything will be right in the world for about twelve minutes.